mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize