I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize