so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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