He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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