my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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