I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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