what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
