We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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