You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
