I hate all girls vehemently.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
