He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
