Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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