I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
