Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
