i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
