Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
