I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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