talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
