ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
