i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What changed your mind?
Being sober
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
