nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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