so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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