she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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