The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
