Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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