Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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