So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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