You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
