just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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