Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
