i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
