4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
