When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
