omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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