she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
