shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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