wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
