I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
