I think my vagina is haunted
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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