never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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