Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
