youre lurking in front of me
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
They have beer where we have blood.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
