He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
