take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
