Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
