I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
