I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
