Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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