ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
