dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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