Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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