cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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