The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
