I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
