nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
