I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
