we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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