My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have fence marks all over my body
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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