when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
