"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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