My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
