I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
