Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
