While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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