Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
