Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
