Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
FUCK WHALES
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
