She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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