so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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