she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
