why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
