Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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