some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
