She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
